August 2023

Letter #1:

My name is Beckie, I’m 36 years old and I live in the U.K. I have been listening to your podcast around the start of lockdown and I have to admit it got me through a large portion of it. I have always enjoyed how you convey a story and the true kindness that is behind every podcast, but in 2021 you both had a part in saving my life. I met my ex-husband in 2016. It was a very brutal relationship. From listening to your podcast I learnt things which sound like common sense, but I genuinely wouldn’t have thought of – things like writing down passwords, information about relationships, etc. In August of 2020, my ex-husband who had been in prison since 2018 manipulated his way into my life again. He had been abusive for years, but I believed he may have changed. It wasn’t long before the abuse started again… But this time, I was armed with the advice you give all the time: an If I Go Missing book. I didn’t go missing but having this is what has secured his conviction. I started to record all the threats he made. I kept a day-by-day journal of events. I wrote down all the places he ever mentioned as places he would dump my body. I gave the passwords to accounts that had backups of photos and my phones. I wrote about the methods he talked about when he told me he’d kill me. In July 2021, he finally tried to kill me. Obviously, he didn’t succeed. But he argued that I was lying and he didn’t touch a hair on my head. He had always deleted or factory reset my phone once a week, thinking this would stop police getting any evidence I was building… when in fact, in my safe at home, I had a file that was getting bigger and bigger and was there to help convict him if I ended up dead. I had saved this stuff to make sure he didn’t get away with murdering me, and in the end, it’s what helped convict him.


Reply #1:

I want people to know the advice given by Ashley and Brit can save lives, even here in good old England. The judge even mentioned the podcast in his sentencing remarks – he said QUOTE ‘if it hadn’t been for the words and advice given by the podcast in question I have no doubt you would have carried out your plan.’ END QUOTE. And it’s true! Would I possibly be able to give a little update which includes a pup? In the aftermath of this situation, I met a wonderful man who is perfect, and I also got an emotional support pup called Karen. She’s a chihuaha cross Jack Russell who lives up to her name – she’s bossy and adorable and has continued to keep me alive. I’ve attached a picture of Karen my support dog, using my elderly ex support dog as a comfy bed. That beautiful white girl is Elsa a German Shepard who spent her life working in hospitals and schools helping children with disabilities cope in new situations.


a small dog sleeping on top of a large dog on a chair

Karen, Beckie’s new support dog, sleeping on top of Elsa, her retired support dog.

Reply #2:

I’ve been having a chat with my partner Kristian about what happened with my ex, and he’s reminded me of a big point which I think would be helpful for people to know. He was able to stalk me and see where I was living at all times when I left because he had made a joint bank account online which I wasn’t aware of. Then, any time I moved, he could automatically see my new address because our credit reports were linked due to the joint back account. Please let your listeners know that in the U.K. this is possible. I am trying to get my local law makers to get it changed, but I’m not getting much support. I’m not sure how credit reports work in the US, but in the U.K., it is definitely something that is shown on credit reports… So I urge all your listeners to check their credit reports and make sure you know everything on there. Devious people have devious ways of finding you.