May 2024

Web Submission:

Hey all,

I just wanted to reach out and thank you for your content surrounding domestic and emotional abuse. This is a different kind of thank-you than you’re most likely used to and one that is difficult for me to say.

A few years ago, I was in an abusive marriage. We were both terrible for each other, and while we both did things that could be considered manipulative and emotionally harmful, I could be described as the abuser. Financial and emotional abuse, more specifically. I don’t want to go into details, but I had the classic signs and was the living embodiment of a “real piece of work.”

She left me, as she should. I spiraled, drank too much, and generally became worse. I found a new friend, and she was really into your show. So, I gave it a listen. All of the episodes are great, but every time I got to an episode about abuse I just couldn’t listen. I didn’t realize I had been an abuser at the time, but something felt off. I felt a wracking sense of guilt with each of those episodes. And then it clicked. I’d always hated other abusers, but I’d always thought that abuse was just physical. It hadn’t really resonated that you could abuse someone emotionally or financially. When those pieces slipped together, I broke. I understood, and I tried to make amends. There’s no fixing the past, obviously, so I wrote my ex-wife a text apologizing for everything. I’ve been careful about my emotional connection with others, and I’ve avoided any impulses to try to keep others from leaving.

Your show typically preaches the need for people being abused to be aware of their situation. I think I learned the same thing but reversed. It’s a journey (and a lot of therapy) to get to the other side, and your team helped me start that healing process. I really wanted to just say thank you.

So, thank you.